What Do You Expect?

Disappointment happens. Usually, what's underneath disappointment is an expectation. Dennis Wholey said, "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."

Disappointment from an expectation occurs when we hold onto a belief that people should behave a certain way or events should follow a particular path. We fixate on what we want and forget to pay attention to what's actually happening. When we interact with others, we like to believe we've been clear about targeted outcomes and that we're all on the same page. We may observe discrepancies, but because of what we believe, we don't step in to resolve or adjust as needed, when needed.

This can be especially challenging for people who are considered "nice." They like to get along and prefer to pick their battles. The extreme is what we term "people pleaser." Whichever one is in play, the end result can be unfulfilled moments or lives. When things go awry, the motivator for right action should be self-respect.

I've developed a fondness for the program, "Men in Trees." The storyline for a recent airing had the lead character bringing coffee and eats to the workmen hired to repair her house, speaking nicely to them though they weren't getting the work done. She believed as Wholey's quote above states, that the men would treat her fairly because she was a nice person. She saw what was happening, or rather not happening, and didn't address it in a straightforward manner. By the end of the program, this situation was resolved, and her closing line included, "...nice girls who respect themselves, do finish first."

The line was borrowed from the one that says nice people finish last. Someone who fits into the "nice" category probably twitches a bit when that line is used, and for good reason. They believe it means they have to go against their nature. Not true. Self-respect can be done nicely. The adage that says we teach people how to treat us is one of the great truths that can help us lead fulfilling lives and restore balance when things go off kilter.

Each of us can find a way to respect ourselves and teach others how to treat us using words and actions that are comfortable and natural to us. It's unrealistic to expect people to always treat us the way we want to be treated. It's our responsibility, and our right, to offer instruction whenever a need is indicated.

If you want to expect anyone to behave a certain way, make sure it's you. Expect yourself to stay aware of what's going on, to pay attention to your beliefs and limiting thoughts, to seek ways and actions that restore and maintain balance in your life, and treat yourself the way you would have others treat you.