Musing about why people sometimes settle for less in their lives, I wondered if one cause might be because they (we) feel unprepared, unable, or afraid, for some reason, to give more?
Those who fit into the category of over-givers (usually poor receivers) might mutter at me as they read this, "I already give; in fact, I give too much!" I hear them loud and clear; but do they give only what they truly want to give, or do they give whatever is asked of them until they're depleted? People who give too much or in a manner that's inappropriate for them, empty their well pretty quickly. Used to giving, they aren't used to receiving. While others fill their cups, empty-well people wait for rain (luck, etc.) to re-fill them because they believe that's the only way it'll happen. The irony is that when we give because it feels good, our well is re-filled, and often with more than what we gave.
Those with empty wells won't feel enthusiastic about giving more, even when appropriate for them. This causes congestion on all levels: Emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual. It impacts life, the job or career, and definitely relationships. When we deplete ourselves from inappropriate giving, we settle for less.
Sometimes, we settle for less because we feel we don't deserve more, which is merely another form of inappropriate giving and receiving, and a form of self-imprisonment. It leaves us too worn out or afraid to go after what we truly desire life to be like. We don't fully enjoy the fruits of life or a life well lived.
The fruit doesn't grow on the trunk. If we want to get to the fruit, we have to go out on a limb. (Shades of Shirley Maclaine, but it's true.) It may be necessary to reassess how and what we give and to whom. We want to be sure our well of energy and enthusiasm has enough in it that when a juicy piece of fruit (appropriate opportunity) beckons, we won't hesitate to give of ourselves to get the reward. Over-givers literally stay on the tree trunk. They watch as the fruit ripens and wish they could taste it. Occasionally, a piece or two may fall within their reach, which they catch mid-air; but to enjoy more, they have to actively go after it. That requires some level of energy be expended or extended. Use of energy requires we have some.
Yes, we do at times, have to participate in the care of others; but, we must always take care of ourselves. Yes, there are times when we feel afraid or anxious, but we shouldn't allow this to limit our lives. If we feel we don't deserve better, yes, we have to recognize that's an imposed belief, not a truth. Inappropriate giving is not selfless or generous, it's fear-based. It has no personal empowerment. Neither does settling for less. What gift do we give to the world or ourselves if we settle for less?
Let's go out on a limb and let the splendor within us express itself fully. We may discover we aren't on a tree, but are one. A sturdy, fruit-laden tree that understands how to appropriately give its gifts to others and grow even stronger and more enlivened from the experience.
About Joyce Shafer
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com
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