What's Your Opinion about Opinions?

Bill Bullard said, "Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world."

Our society seems to admire highly opinionated people. People with strong opinions, stated with energy, come across as dynamic and knowledgeable. In a world where people spend a great deal of money on books and seminars about self-esteem, it makes sense that many would think this way. Additionally, the media encourages us to live on a diet of sensationalism; and this seems to lead us to the computer term: Garbage in, garbage out.

The quote made me think of movies about Native American tribal councils of olden days who'd meet in a teepee to discuss a situation that required a decision. (Hollywood followed the patriarchal model, so I'll use masculine terms since I'm referencing movies and not historical facts.) The chief would sit silently as each warrior offered his opinion. After everyone spoke, the chief would puff on a pipe until he was ready to speak. The implication was that he contemplated everyone's contributions about the problem and potential solutions. Inevitably, his comments (hopefully) brought people beyond their personal opinions and predilections so they, too, considered the good of the tribe instead of their personal issue or agenda.

In this representation, no matter how brave or dynamic, young warriors were never made chief. The tribe recognized that their leader needed to be a wizened individual who would consider short-term and long-term consequences of every decision he made on behalf of his people, one who'd look at the bigger picture. He couldn't afford to be opinionated or force his opinions on the tribe.

Certainly some opinions are natural and necessary for us to know what we want and don't want, enjoy and don't enjoy. But perhaps we can sometimes slow down a bit on jumping straight to an opinion in certain situations. Life coach training taught us to seek to understand before we seek to be understood.

Sometimes when others speak, we don't really listen to them. We don't pay attention to key words or body language, or even their history. Instead, we focus on our responses or reactions to what they're saying and even the point we want to make or foist upon them. All of us have witnessed someone (or done it ourselves) go right into attack-mode at a comment or action rather than ask one or more questions to learn what motivated another to say or do something.

Some people have strong, out-going personalities and others are willing to take whatever these types say as correct or true. They are like the warriors I described above: Always armed with an opinion, usually stated assertively or even aggressively. There was a time when I'd be in the company of these types and wonder if perhaps I shouldn't be more like them. As I've learned to recognize and appreciate my authentic self, I've become comfortable with preferring to emulate the chief more often than not. There's a great deal you can learn when you listen, observe, ask questions, and seek to understand before you seek to be understood.

This also keeps me away from attack-mode, even though this mode is not my nature. My preference is not to berate or degrade another. More fulfillment and joy comes to me when I play a role in assisting someone to self-empower, to identify what is appropriate for them rather than tell them what I think is appropriate for them, to, as the quote says, suspend my ego so I can understand what it's like for them to live in their inner and outer world. If I don't have any inkling about what they're feeling and experiencing, how can I contribute anything of quality in the way of a comment or right question?

There are certainly times when being a warrior is necessary; but sometimes, we could behave like chiefs. Chiefs are certainly warriors; they just operate on a different level.