Controlling Outcomes

When you live with expectations and desires, it follows you want to control outcomes. You want things to unfold in your favor. But you can't control outcomes in life. The best you can hope to do is increase the odds through wisdom.

If you're desiring a particular outcome, step back and ask yourself, "What's the fear associated with the outcome?"

Explore the fear, including the worst that might happen if things did not turn out in your favor. If you're committed to an outcome, the fear will be related to loss: The loss of love, loss of control, loss of finances, or the loss of self-esteem. Which applies to your situation?

Then ask yourself, "What if I could take the fear out of my desire?"

If there were no fear, the outcome would not matter. Logical.

So we're back to resolving fear, a subject I write about a lot, because I'm working on it all the time.

As New Agers, we believe we can create our own reality, and I know this to be true when it comes to finding happiness, fulfillment and living an abundant life. Reality is created by the way we view and accept what is. But don't confuse this with controlling outcomes that affect other people.

In other words, if you want Leigh to fall in love with you, that is not within your power to control, no matter how many mind-programming CDs you use. The same is true with winning the pageant, getting your book accepted by a major publisher, or desiring a beautiful sunset.

Expectations and the desire to control do not work. Both are fear-based emotions, which we incarnated to rise above.

Many New Agers believe in controlling their thoughts. But it can't be done. You can catch yourself when you're thinking negative. You can use thought-stopping techniques which condition you, over time, to reduce fearful thinking. But out-and-out control of your thoughts isn't an option.

What you can control is your behavior -- your actions.

Mystics have always said a wise seeker learns to live without desire. Easier said than done. Probably not going to happen in this lifetime, but finding a self-actualized balance seems to me a worthy goal.