Expanding the Window of Self

While I am not a computer expert, I have learned a few things over the years. I have learned that a computer has an operating system. If you uninstall important aspects of that operating system "things" won't work. At least not well. I have also become aware that if you, or someone else, tries to install programs on your computer that are not compatible with your operating system, major malfunction can occur.

In becoming more acquainted with the workings of computers, I have realized that they have some similarities to people. People have a main operating system. This includes key aspects of our identity, our values, goals, dreams, passions, talents, and much more. I have found as a Psychologist that when we shut off important aspects of our operating system, trouble will arise. I have also found that when we, or someone else, tries to install incompatible programs, major problems also inevitably arise. Sometimes a complete crash.

To step out of metaphor and into specifics, I will use an abbreviated example from the life of a past client of mine. This gentleman found himself in his fifties with major challenges. He was depressed, drinking alcoholically, hated his work, and was in the throws of a divorce.

In our third session together he shared a profound self-reflective question -- "Whose life am I living?". As a young man he abandoned his passion in music and hopes of a musical career to join the family business. He never felt that his musical abilities and other artistic talents were valued in his family (uninstalled). He felt pressured to join the family business (incompatible program). Because he had learned to devalue and disconnect from important parts of himself, in favor of avoiding conflict and fitting in, he ultimately paid a major price.

While he ultimately turned his system crashing into a growth experience, it took him longer to move beyond the feeling that he had wasted precious years of his life.

I ask you:

- Are you living your life?

- What important parts of Self have you devalued or disconnected from?

- What aspects of your current life are the result of seeking harmony or avoiding conflict versus living out your passions, dreams, desires and talents?

- What has been the price you have paid?

- Are you willing to continue to pay that price?