I Don't Get It

A recent column inspired this e-mail from a subscriber: "You say over and over our RESISTANCE TO WHAT IS causes our suffering. But I don't really 'get it.' Can you spell it out with examples?"

Okay. Here are samples from my life:

Example 1. My mother's second husband was a quiet man who wasn't interested in communicating. He also liked to stop at the bar for two beers with his friends before coming home Friday night after work. That's what is. My mother resisted what is (you can't change other people). She tried for 25 years to turn him into a communicator and she did everything she could to get him to come straight home on Friday night. Shortly before she died, she told me she had made herself miserable for 25 years, resisting what she could not change.

Example 2. I know a woman who is obsessed with removing George Bush from office. I can ask her the simplest question about her life and within two minutes she'll have turned the conversation into a rant on impeaching Bush. Considering the conservative mood of the country, George Bush is what is, at least until election time. This woman's sister is married to a political conservative, so he's now the focus of an ongoing verbal assault that is creating family suffering.

Example 3. A few months ago, my 17-year old son Hunter was driving to school in the rain. He pulled out onto Pacific Coast Highway when the light turned green. Someone ran a red light and hit him broadside. Hunter was unhurt, but his car was totaled. Being an older car, he had no collision insurance. There were no witnesses and the other driver claimed they went through the intersection on a yellow light. No blame was established by the police. That's what is. Hunter got a raw deal and lost his car through seemingly no fault of his own. If he dwells on the loss, the negative mental energy will generate further suffering. By accepting what he cannot change, he can get on with his life as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Example 4. We have a small getaway house in Lake Arrowhead. The current bark-beetle infestation killed all 15 pine trees on our property. A huge 200-year old tree grew up through a big round opening in our second-story deck. The trees had to be removed at a large cost. No sooner was this problem resolved, than we learned all our pine trees on a lot in the Arizona White Mountains were lost in a recent fire. That's what is. Two lots, two states, no more Alpine setting. We're still trying to figure the synchronicity and metaphorical meaning, but we're focusing only on the positive to minimize negative programming. (Don't want to lose the trees in Malibu?) Tara says, "Look at our new view. We can see rolling mountains for 50 miles." I say, "Well, we have three beautiful oak trees." And in regard to the Arizona property. The fire put me in touch with a neighbor who wants to buy the land. And I may just use the money to finance a new business venture that has good potential. Then maybe I'll buy some land with pine trees on it.

What is is unalterable. There's nothing you can do about it, so why resist? Why make matters worse? Why suffer needlessly? Easier said than done, but it sure is logical.