Three Kinds of Guilt

Guilt is the primary manipulation people use to entrap one another, especially within families and other close relationships. There are only two reasons for someone to want you to feel guilty: either to control you or to hurt you. Neither is worthy of your consideration.

Think about some of the common lines used to trigger guilt: "You certainly never put anyone else first, do you?"; "It was your fault I got upset and didn't get enough sleep!"; "I've been waiting by the phone all week for you to call."

If you feel guilty in response to such expressions, don't blame them -- blame yourself for allowing "them" to manipulate you.

THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF GUILT:

1. CURRENT GUILT, such as not spending enough time with the kids or not calling your parents as often as you think you should;

2. LONG-STANDING GUILT, such as guilt over leaving your ex-mate, or guilt over refusing to allow your aging father to move in;

3. PHILOSOPHICAL GUILT, such as not tithing to a church or giving to a worthwhile charity when you feel it is your responsibility.

After you've felt guilty long enough to balance the emotion with your actions, you can feel okay with yourself. But the common pattern is to repeat the guilt-inducing actions all over again, in a never-ending spiral. If you're going to do something about this useless emotion, do it. If not, file it away, labeled "experience," and get on with your life.