What's Your Story?

Every day, we each tell a story from our life. Much of what we believe about our story is based on perceptions. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our perceptions are not always based in fact. One example is a young woman who shared how her low-paying job, expenses, etc., affect her life. As we spoke, she revealed she frequently adds to her extensive CD collection, not exactly an inexpensive practice. Her perception and story is that she is always nearly destitute. But two things were clear: She had no plan to improve her situation and she spent a lot of money on CDs.

How we relate to stories people tell us and we tell ourselves, affects how emotionally involved we become. When we become emotionally involved, we tend to lose objectivity. Objectivity is where solutions and resolutions reside and where the power of passionate detachment comes in handy. Whoever coined the term was pretty darn clever. But what does it mean? We associate passionate as being fully engaged with something or someone and detachment as disengagement. Passionate detachment allows us to care deeply, yet release our attachment to emotional involvement that stagnates our lives.

Life coach training teaches us to practice this. It is vital if we are to assist clients to move forward and attain the outcome they desire. We listen to their stories, but only for so long, in order to gather information. We honor their emotions as genuine responses to their stories; but if we buy into them, we falter in our ability to ask questions that help them explore options and make conscious decisions. This is passionate detachment at work. We care and are compassionate, but our role is not to accept that nothing can be done, as is sometimes the complaint. Our role is to assist them to go beyond challenges and to learn and grow from them. This approach is not limited to coaching. Any one of us can apply this to our own perceptions, as well as to those of others.

If your story is negative and you believe and feed it, allow it to be your reality, it's like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles. You move around a great deal, but you go nowhere. Imagine that instead of saying, "I had a horrible childhood," you say, "My childhood was one of experiences that encouraged me to look within and clarify who I chose to be in life. Because of my experiences, I am who I am today and am proud of my successes." The latter story can be just as true as the former. It's called Reframing.

If you can change your story, you can change your life. You shouldn't deny your emotions about your experiences, but you can use them to your benefit if you create a new story and find a way to relate to its truth, as in the example above. Passionate detachment gets you there because it allows you to make conscious choices instead of emotional ones and to decide to release whatever holds you back. It lifts the nail out of your shoe so you can move forward instead of stay stuck. Is yours an Aesop, Grimm, Fairy, or Reframed tale? It's your choice.