Perfectionism -- Are You Trapped Inside the Lines?

Perfectionists believe that their value as individuals is judged by virtue of what they do, and do perfectly, not by who they are. When they or others don't perform to their standards - even if those standards are unrealistic - they seldom, if ever, pause to ask what is working right. A favorite mantra might be, "If everyone would just do what they are supposed to, everything would be the way it is supposed to be" - as though life has a blueprint to be strictly followed.

We learn in coaching that you start where you are, acknowledge what "is," and then move forward from there. Over the course of our lives, most of us have witnessed scenarios where someone insisted on nothing less than perfection from themselves and others. Perhaps we've even done this, to some extent, ourselves.

What would a person's experiences, and the world as a whole, look like if we understood that life is an ever-changing process and that we process life and create our reality through the thoughts, feelings and actions we choose each day? People who strive for perfection often have difficulty making decisions and moving forward. It's no wonder they have trouble doing so! Take a moment to think about their energy and where that energy is focused. It's close. It's all about the person. It's constrictive.

Empowerment comes from embracing the perfection inherent in what is seemingly imperfect. Who cannot recall having an experience that appeared, at first, to be negative only to discover a purpose in it or for it at some later time? Why did this realization happen? Because the person processed it at an inner and outer level, no matter how long it took for that to happen. When we actively, consciously engage in process, we waste nothing.

Process allows us to discover all we can about ourselves in relation to everyone and every situation that enters our lives. It is our opportunity to decide how to move forward, how to grow. Perfectionism stops us where we stand, even if we appear to move forward in our outer lives. It is an illusion, and it traps and constricts us because the life experience is not authentic and flowing, but forced.

I know a woman who used to paint images onto T-shirts. Whenever she made a mistake, rather than throw the shirt out, she would add an image that fit into the whole. Those shirts always sold first. Perhaps this is because rather than following the pattern, her mistake allowed her own creativity to emerge, and people responded to it. That probably would not have happened if she "painted inside the lines." Perfection has rigid rules and is not realistic. Excellence is doable and realistic. Excellence allows for creative expression and for us to move forward to the next level.

Every moment and experience provides us with an opportunity to assess what we want to glean from it, how we want to use it, and how we can grow from it. So why choose to rigidly stay "inside the lines" when there is so much to be gained from choosing to use broader strokes to enrich our lives?