Beliefs vs. Behaviors

What does it mean when our behaviors don't reflect our beliefs? It means it's time to re-visit what we believe. Beliefs change. This usually surprises us because we invest a good deal of energy into identifying what we believe about anything. When beliefs and behaviors conflict, the typical response or reaction is to manage or attempt to manage the behaviors. But what does that really do? Solely managing a behavior not in alignment with a belief, puts us into a form of Self denial if we don't also look at the belief.

Why do we hold beliefs? They act as a guidance system for us. An internal GPS (Global Positioning System) that helps us follow our path throughout the moments of our lives. If we have head and heart alignment with our beliefs, they can serve us. If we don't, they merely act as a corral to keep our spontaneity or true feelings at bay.

If conflict between beliefs and behaviors arise, there is something we can do. We can ask a series of questions.

What changed? This has to be addressed at both inner and outer levels. One does not change without affecting the other. Determine where the change originated: inner or outer. Once you know where it started, it will lead you to identify what influence it had at the other level. Once you identify these changes, you can ask....

What do I want instead? This comes directly from knowing what you don't want, which is, at the root, the discomfort you feel from the inner and outer conflict. Most people believe they want something specific to change so they can feel in balance. Feelings come from within. They are not a result of circumstances, but of choices we make about how to feel about anyone, anything, in any moment. If you know how you want to feel, you can determine what you need to do at the inner and outer levels to get there. However, the resolution will be long-lasting only if you have head and heart alignment.

How committed are you to doing whatever it takes to create more of what you want? If all you are engaged in is wishful thinking, nothing substantial will change. Wishful thinking has a constant companion: noisy dialogue, whether in our heads or to anyone who will listen. Commitment has energy. There is inner conversation as you ask yourself right questions, but then there is action, much more action than dialogue.

Most inner and outer struggles result from people not knowing what it is they want, being afraid to admit what it is they want, or being afraid to take action needed to create what they want. This is not living. Most of us are extravagant about how much time we have. We mistakenly think that life is about what we accomplish rather than what we feel about every moment. Accomplish what you want; but make your goal what you want to feel about the entire process from start to middle to end. When all is said and done, whether at the end of a goal or the end of a lifetime, what do you want to feel about it? Was it an impoverished inner experience or a richly-textured one? The choice is yours. Just remember: "To thine own self be true."