Would you rather be happy or...

Would you rather be happy or:

- be right
- manipulate
- look good
- be in control

The heart wants to be happy. When two people in a relationship lead with their egos rather than their hearts, there is going to be lots and lots of conflict. Why? Because there will be a constant battle going on with one another for control. The problem is that sooner or later, one or both parties will find themselves under a lot of stress or extremely unhappy.

Vulnerability and humility are not the most honored traits in our society. We value strength, speaking up for oneself, and not being taken advantage of. As a result, most people eventually learn to lead with their ego (mind) and let the heart follow. The happiest people reverse this process. These people lead with their heart and demand that their ego take a back seat. When you live this way, sometimes you will be taken advantage of, not always be in control of life's circumstances, and be hurt. But these drawbacks are far less painful than a life filled with conflict.

Everyone wants to avoid emotional pain. Why? Because pain hurts, and life is much better when there is no pain. However, unless you are completely unfeeling or have reached perfection, you will ultimately experience your share of emotional pain.

The answer is not to run from the pain, but to embrace it as a teacher. Learn to use your pain for growth. Generally people who live an ego-centric life experience less pain than those who don't. But they often forfeit many of life's valuable learning opportunities. Don't risk it. You learn either by accident or by design. But you must learn. Learning on purpose is always less painful than learning by accident because you have a little more control over the learning environment.

Any relationship that is dominated by one or more egos will certainly be stressful. When one person attempts to control either the relationship or the other person, almost every decision or action will become a battle.

Let's take a quick peek at a fairly typical conversation between two spouses.

Ginger: "Troy, let's go out to dinner tonight."

Troy: "I have been on the road for a week and have been eating out until I am blue in the face. Let's eat at home tonight."

Ginger: "I have eaten every meal this week in the house alone. I want to go out."

Troy: "I don't care if we have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; I don't want to spend another minute in a restaurant."

Ginger: "I don't want to eat another meal in our kitchen."

Troy: "Tell you what, I'll eat at home and you go out alone."

Ginger: "Fine! With that attitude of yours, I would rather eat alone anyway."

Well, you can see that this is a conversation heading for disaster. Why? Simple: Neither person is willing to give in to the other. Each has an agenda, and neither wants to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Imagine for a minute: This conversation is only about one meal. What if this conversation was about a career, a financial issue, children, or in-laws?