Are the Differences in Your Relationship Causing Stress?

Are differences with your partner a problem?

Boy and girl:

-grow up in different environments.
-have different life experiences as they mature and grow older.
-finally meet.
-fall in love.
-live together or marry.
-then the trouble starts (sometimes) or live happily ever after (once in a while)

Girl and boy have different opinions about how to do everything and so they either work these out or go back to looking for a different partner whether it takes months or years, is not the issue. The real issue here is the ability and willingness to manage differences, be flexible and compromise.

As you can see from the previous, very brief scenario, it is a miracle that two people ever get along. Differences in opinions, agendas, values and beliefs - you name it - differences abound. Many people feel that if they have some things in common, they both like to dance, like Chinese food and like the same kind of music, that they are destined for a successful relationship. Trust me, these very superficial similarities, no matter how many there are, are not a recipe for lasting relationship bliss.

It is not normal for two people to agree on everything. If they do, they have an extremely boring relationship. People assume that similarities guarantee relationship success. I believe, the ability to manage differences is far more important. Sooner or later differences will surface. In the beginning, one or both parties will hide areas where there is potential conflict due to differences of any kind. This is the time for acceptance, flexibility and compromise. Once the initial comfort period ends, watch as the layers fall away and the REAL people show themselves.

There may be differences about how to raise kids or manage in-laws, how to cook Salmon or clean the house. I really don't care what they are, sooner or later they will arrive. The question is, can the relationship handle them?

Everyone has personal agendas. Everyone brings them into their relationships. You can't keep who you are and what you believe out of your relationship. Personal agendas become destructive when there are serious distances or competition between both partners' agendas. What is an agenda? She wants to quit her career, have babies and stay home. He wants her to keep working so they can save more money for the first few years of their relationship. She wants him to take a job where he can be home every night at 5:30. He wants a career where he can advance and become more successful.

I have heard this phrase hundreds of times: "You are not satisfying my needs." Everyone has emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual needs. Some of us can contribute to the satisfaction of our partner's needs, but they must satisfy many of their own needs themselves.

Often times, many people confuse who or what is responsible for the satisfaction of their own needs.

Let's take a brief look at what most people want in their life. The following are in no particular order:

1. Approval.
2. Acceptance.
3. Validation.
4. To be loved.
5. Appreciation.
6. A dream.
7. To love.
8. Happiness.
9. Success.
10. Fulfillment.
11. To know the purpose of their lives.
12. Inner peace.
13. Life balance.
14. Stress-free life.
15. To accomplish something.
16. Fun.
17. Contentment.
18. Respect.
19. Security.
20. Harmony

Which of these are missing in your life? Which ones are up to you? Which ones do you believe others should give you? Who in your life provides you with some of these? Are you giving your share to your partner?