Having fun yet?

Life is not just about work, raising children and getting by. Life should be an adventure. It should have its share of fun, joy and laughter. When people become extremely stressed, due to the pressures of finances, work and other relationship challenges, fun and laughter are one of the first things to leave. Fun is not merely about games, hobbies, travel or diversions. Fun is an attitude, a way of looking at life and its circumstances. When people get into this rut, they no longer laugh or enjoy each other's company. These relationships often lose the spontaneity of doing something on the spur of the moment.

As I said, fun is not an activity, but an attitude. If you can laugh at yourself, your failures, mistakes, problems and life circumstances, it will make living through them a little easier.

When people lose the ability to laugh, because they take everything so seriously, they not only damage their relationship, but their health as well.

Some people are really fun to be around. They see life as an opportunity to learn about themselves and others. They don't whine, complain or blame others. They take full responsibility for their own pleasure. They can have fun when they are alone, and they can have fun when in the presence of total strangers. They are fun people.

On the other hand, some people see life as one struggle after another. These people are far too serious about everything. I don't want my heart surgeon laughing his or her way through my open heart surgery, but I would like him or her to have a fun outlook on life. We are all going to die. Accept it. Sooner or later you will have the opportunity to look back on your life and ask yourself, "Did I have enough fun?" "Did I laugh a lot?" "If not, why not?" Unfortunately, then it is too late.

At my best friend's funeral a number of years ago, I recall everyone's pain and loss. It was a sad time. He died at age 42 in the prime of his life. Flash was a fun person. While I was reading his eulogy, a thought struck me-would he want us all crying about his passing or smiling and laughing about his life and how he celebrated every day as a gift until his final day?

I believe that Flash is smiling now as I write these words twelve years later. Everyone loved to be around him. He was a fun person. I miss him, but I often think of the tears of joy and the pain of the many belly laughs he caused, because of his personality and outlook on life.

Do people like to be around you? Would they describe you as a fun person?

Do you or can you make your partner laugh? Do they make you laugh? Do you laugh a lot together? Show me a relationship without laughter and fun, and I will show you a boring, stressful couple with little connection.

Laughter is proven to be one of the best ways to reduce stress. It also is an excellent way to prevent sickness. It's hard to laugh and feel sorry for yourself at the same time. When I think about my heroes, most of them made me laugh. Such greats as: George Burns, Bob Hope, Red Skelton, Ernie Kovacks, Will Rogers and Mark Twain.

There is nothing wrong with having fun. I recall, in a former relationship that our fun was limited to what she wanted to do. The fun things I liked to do did not interest her. She liked to ski, and I liked to hike. She liked to watch TV, and I liked to read. She liked to have dinner with her friends, I liked to have dinner with her. This list goes on and on. Guess which of these activities we did the most? You guessed it, the ones that she thought were fun. On a few occasions we did what I enjoyed, but generally our relationship was governed by her definition of fun-not mine and not ours.

If you and your partner like different things, you have a few simple options.

- Both of you can learn to like what the other enjoys.
- You can do the stuff you like without him or her.
- You and your partner can do nothing.
- You can do all of his or her stuff and none of the things you enjoy.

I can tell you that over time, if you choose any of the last three, you will either spend a lot of time alone, or the relationship won't last. Yes, its just fine to have separate interests. But, it is better if you also have some common interests.