But, It's What I Want!

Did you ever decide or believe you wanted something only to have it not work out? Of course. Did you ever find out later that not getting it was a good thing?

When I first moved to my building, a very attractive neighbor asked me to dinner. All dressed up and eager to maybe make a new friend, it turned out he was a no-show and a no-call. I was disappointed, not just because the dinner engagement didn't happen, but in his behavior.

Fast-forward to six years later. Another neighbor mentioned the man who'd asked me to dinner had chemical-dependency problems, ran with a wrong crowd, and finally moved to another state to get his life in order. This man was considered by many, a nice guy and even helped me once, years later, when I needed it; but, he obviously had bigger problems than keeping dinner engagements.

There's a phrase that says, "Be careful what you ask for, you might get it." There are times when we absolutely know something is right for us and we're correct. It's those other times when we are certain we want something and get bent out of shape if it doesn't happen. My date story is a mild example of this until you consider how it revealed significant dynamics years later.

Another phrase is, "The key to happiness is to always want what you get." That's not as Pollyannaish as it sounds, not if you look deeper. It doesn't mean you actually have to be happy about even negative things, it means you make a conscious decision to trust the process and look for how something can serve you as an ever-evolving individual.

My story is also about judgment. I confess that between the no-show and when he helped me, the few times I saw him in passing, I was polite, but my thoughts weren't. The fact is, I was operating on what's called Not Enough Information. My right question would have been, Do I know enough about this. How many times do we assume something because we don't have the facts? Often enough, I'd guess.

Strive to be okay about not getting everything you think you want (and trust that process); and before you entertain certain thoughts, be sure you have enough information. We can put a lot of wear and tear on ourselves when we don't have to, not to mention cast judgment that we shouldn't. Our lives dance between what we need to aim and go for and what we need to let go of. Don't try to be perfect about this, just keep it in mind so you remember to ask yourself some right questions the next time you need to. Right questions can save time and energy.