Why Love Disappears

After experiencing my own share of relationships, counseling hundreds of people with troubled unions (including lots of friends), and nearly completing a book on the subject, I have come to some conclusions as to why love disappears.

Generally, it amounts to a number of descending steps that end with "goodbye."

The first step down is when a couple allows their life to STAGNATE, which is a matter of allowing life to become dull, colorless, lifeless. There is no aliveness. No joy. And as a result, you begin to PULL AWAY from each other. Shared quality time ceases to exist. You may be living together, but one partner spends the evening watching television, the other surfing the web. You are there in the same house at the same time, but living in separate worlds. Or outside separate activities amount to the same thing -- not enough shared time to nourish the relationship.

RESENTMENT and/or DISSATISFACTION begins to build. Because of outer events or inner feelings, you decide your current situation no longer works for you.

One or both of you becomes HYPERSENSITIVE to the other. Small slights now take on big meanings. You know each other so well, it is easy to push your partner's buttons. Your partner pushes your button, so you push their button. Back and forth.

The hypersensitivity leads to EMOTIONAL PAIN and CONFUSION. You start to challenge your old beliefs and maybe begin to fantasize about how things could be different.

The relationship is now in a downward spiral of MENTAL DETACHMENT. This transitional phase could last for days, months or years ... until something happens that causes you to ACT. Someone helps you make a decision, or an opportunity presents itself, or you manage to attain clarity. Once this happens, you take ACTION and say your goodbyes. Once parted, ideally, you manifest a more satisfying life.