What are you reading these days? If I had access to your house, would I find a stack of interesting books on your night stand?

Just for fun, I recently grabbed the books off of my wife's nightstand. She always seems to find great books to read so I selected four books from her stack to see what I might learn. What I like to do is try to pull one or two powerful ideas from every book that I read. So here is a glimpse into four books that you might want on your reading list.

* * * * *

DARKNESS VISIBLE
A Memoir of Madness
by William Styron

This is a book I would have never selected myself. Yet sometimes the books that can be most helpful to us are the ones that we might never select ourselves. I tend to like the more positive books that focus on success and achievement rather than the books that delve into the pain that can be experienced in life. But sometimes the most powerful lessons in life come from painful experiences. And luckily, I found that this book does have a happy ending.

If you've ever sufferred from depression or know someone close that has, you know how debilitating it can be. This book is Pulitzer Prize Winning author William Styron's memoir about his descent into depression, and the triumph of recovery.

I knew that this was going to be interesting, when I saw this opening quote:

For the thing which
I greatly feared is come upon me,
and that which I was afraid of
Is come unto me.
I was not in safety, neither
had I rest, neither was I quiet;
yet trouble came.
- Job 3:25-26

I never thought of this quote in relation to depression but I can now see the connection.

Styron also uses some quotes from Dante's THE DIVINE COMEDY:

In the middle of the journey of our life
I found myself in a dark wood,
Where the straight way was lost.

You'll need to read about his experiences yourself, but this book will give you a glimpse into very serious depression. The good news is that Styron finally ends the book with his own translation to the final line of Dante's Inferno section of THE DIVINE COMEDY:

And so we came forth, and once again beheld the stars.

Here's my major idea from the book:

Don't ever think that a problem cannot be overcome even if you don't fully understand it, and especially if no one else understands it. There are always answers and hope. Or to say it another way, it's always too soon to give up.

* * * * *

HEAVEN IS FOR REAL
A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back
by Todd Burpo

If you wonder about what happens after death, you might find studying near death experiences to be something worthwhile. And if you study near death experiences, definitely don't miss this book. It's about a kid that goes to heaven while undergoing life-threatening surgery.

Here's my major idea from the book:

Near death experiences may be one of the best sources of information about what happens after death and what heaven is like. And since kids often have a closer connection with the spiritual realm, a kid that had a near death experience is really fascinating to study.

However, none of this seems to negate the fact that our current home on planet earth is caught up in the great war between good and evil which seems to put us in various battles where we must constantly choose how we are going to learn, because learning seems to be the name of the game.

The question is whether we will choose to learn through pleasure or pain, and even if the pain comes, will we choose to allow it to overcome us or allow it to transform us into something better?

Of course, not just believing but actually KNOWING that heaven is for real, can change your entire experience of life. Temporary pain is much more bearable if you remember that you are spiritual traveler heading to a place without such pain.

* * * * *

FAILURE TO CONNECT
How Computers Affect Our Children's Minds — and What We Can Do About It
by Jane M. Healy, Ph.D.

I can certainly see why my wife is reading this one. We have a son who is almost a teenager now, and he is obsessed with computer and video games which which means he needs to be monitored.

Here's my major idea from this book as written by the author:

Just because children — particularly young ones — are performing tasks that look technologically sophisticated does not mean they are learning anything important.

* * * * *

SWAY
The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior
by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman

This book is over-the-top interesting. If you wonder about human nature and why people do what they do, don't miss this book.

The authors present some fascinating hidden psychological undercurrents that affect us all:

Loss Aversion - our tendency to go to great lengths to avoid possible losses.

Value Attribution - our inclination to imbue a person or thing with certain qualities based on initial perceived value.

Diagnosis Bias - our blindness to all evidence that contradicts our initial assessment of a person or situation.

They talk a lot about the challenges resulting from blind commitment to anything in life.

Here are a few major ideas from this book:

How to Conquer "Loss Aversion" …
"Having a long-term plan — and not casting it aside — is the key to dealing with our fear of loss."

Don't chase losses trying to unlose what you've already lost.

Also, don't get swayed by the hidden forces of commitment to a current course of action. Don't always try to cover your losses. Let some losses stand as what they really are in the overall grand scheme of things. Pretend you are starting from scratch based on where you are now without the memory of the past and then decide! (In business, some people talk about the mental game of pretending that you are going to move your business across the street, and then asking yourself what you would do differently. What's so powerful about this idea is that it can help you see things that you would do differently if you weren't so engrossed in your current challenges.)

How to Conquer "Value Attribution" …
Learn to discern the real or intrinsic value rather than someone else's opinion or the price society puts on something.

How to Conquer "Diagnosis Bias" …
Observe things the way they really are, not the way you initially saw them.

* * * * *

Now that I've read some of my wife's books, I'd better get back to work on my own list. Here's a quote that may help give you some reading motivation:

You are the same today that you are going to be in five years from now except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read.
- Charles Jones

Of course, I would add audio programs to Charlie's list because it can sometimes be really powerful to hear an author deliver his or her work with all of the emotion that goes along with the ideas being presented. I guess that's why I love listening to authors in addition to reading what they have to say. Sometimes that added emotion can make all of the difference in bringing an idea to life.

Have you ever thought about your life as a story? My quess is that you'll benefit greatly by thinking about the story of your life, and perhaps analyzing your performance thus far. By doing this, you'll probably be able to see for the first time what your life has really been about as well as where your life is heading. The truth of the matter is that all of us are actually writing, directing, and starring in our own story every day. We just don't tend to think of it that way. But here's an interesting question to consider: Would you enjoy going to the movies to see your story being acted out? Is it a good story that others would find interesting or, for that matter, would you find it interesting? Would you like how you are living your life if you were watching yourself on a movie screen?

One of my favorite pastimes is watching movies. I love a good movie. Nothing seems to have the power to carry me away like a great story brought to life on the big screen. But have you ever stopped to think that many of the stories we like the most are actually quite similiar in structure? In fact, you might be surprised to learn that most successful movies are based on stories that have only a few key elements. I've seen academic lists of 5 elements including Introduction, Rising Action, Climax, Falling Action, and Denouement from movie critics, and I also remember hearing someone use as many as 7 elements to analyze movies which I found more interesting because the elements used could more easily be connected with a person's life. For our purposes, I'm going to use a rough outline of those 7 elements I once heard discussed but I'm going to change the order a bit and relabel them in an effort to help you see how powerful this concept can be when it comes to living your best possible life.

Remember, your life really is a story, or series of stories. And maybe by detaching to see your life as a moviegoer would see it, you'll be able to see things you've never seen before. By viewing your life as a story, is it possible that you might discover how to make it better? How to get unstuck? How to solve your current problems? How to overcome whatever is that's standing between you and what it is you really want in life?

Most stories start with a person that has a desire or a wish or a goal that he or she wants to make real. We could simply label this element "The Desire."

Let's use the movie Mr. Holland's Opus to bring this whole concept to life. Richard Dreyfuss plays the leading role of Mr. Holland who is a man on a mission. He is a man who wants to write great music. He wants to be a world-class composer. But a story only begins with "The Desire". What makes a story start to take life and get us involved and engaged very quickly is the next element which we'll call "The Problem."

In the movie, Mr. Holland's Opus, we quickly see that Mr. Holland has a major problem which can simply be labeled the cares of life. He needs money so he can have the free time he wants to write his opus. He needs to figure out a way to make some money. We can probably all identify with that problem on many levels. So often we have a desire to do something but it costs money. If we don't have the money, we have a problem that needs to be solved.

But the movie also doesn't stop there. Part of what makes any story interesting is seeing how problems are going to be overcome and Mr. Holland doesn't disappoint us. He jumps right in to the next element of a story which we'll call "The Plan." Mr. Holland's plan is simple. He is going to teach music until he can finish his great opus or symphony and, in the process, become a world-renowned composer. It's an interesting desire with a plan to overcome his immediate problem. "The Desire" followed by "The Problem" with the introduction of "The Plan" that appears to have some merit. Isn't it also interesting that we could probably identify these same elements in our own life? What's your desire? What do you want to accomplish? What is your problem? What's holding you back or standing between you and your desire? And what is your plan? Do you have a strategy to work your way through the problem or problems facing you in life?

Of course, we know that there's always more to a great story than a desire, a problem, and a plan. If fact, if that's all there was to Mr. Holland's Opus, or any other movie we were watching, we'd probably be on the verge of being quite bored and getting ready to ask for our money back before we even finish our popcorn. But it's the next element of a great story that makes things really get interesting. Let's call this next part "The Opponents."

Great stories have many levels of opponents and this is certainly true in the movie Mr. Holland's Opus. And the job of the opponents is to do everything they can do to block "The Plan" and that's exactly what happens to Mr. Holland. While Mr. Holland is content to do the minimum requirements as a music teacher so he has plenty of free time to compose his opus, the principal of the school has another idea. She doesn't want Mr. Holland sneaking out early when there are students that need additional help. And we quickly see that Mr. Holland is confronted by a whole host of students that don't appear to have a lick of musical talent yet he is expected to teach them. Let's label all of these opponents, external opponents.

Getting back to your story, do you have any opponents? People that are holding you back? You might right now be making a list in your mind. What makes Mr. Holland's Opus so interesting is the fact that he doesn't just have one opponent but a number of opponents. I've heard people categorize opponents into three areas including external, internal, and intimate. The external opponents are easy to see. For Mr. Holland, we already discussed the principal and students but there were also others if you watch the movie and think about this a bit.

For example, what about the internal opponent that we all face? In the movie, we can see Mr. Holland conflicted about what to do just as we so often are with the choices we face in life. Mr. Holland wants to get his opus written and become a world-class composer, but he also wants to do right thing for the students that have been entrusted to him. And if that's not enough, the movie quickly shows us that there are two key intimate opponents. Mr. Holland and his wife are blessed with the birth of a son but it is quickly discovered that the son is deaf. Imagine being a musician where hearing is everything to you and now you are presented with a child that cannot hear. Mr. Holland and his wife now have a son that is going to require a great deal of additional time to raise. I suppose you could say that this is how the plot thickens as Mr. Holland has to deal with some pretty challenging intimate family relationships which can be seen as opponents to Mr. Holland's desire or goal.

Can you identify with the idea of external, internal, and intimate opponents in your life? It's not unusual that the biggest part of a movie, or the story of your life, to get caught up in the drama of dealing with opponents. In fact, as the opponents become more and more clear, we could say that the next phase of the story is rather obvious and is often simply called "The Battle." Rarely do opponents just cave in without a conflict. And it's often this struggle with opponents that glues us to a story. There might now be a chase scene or a toe-to-toe fight between the good guy and the bad guy that is almost cliche in movies, but there has to be some form of what might be called conflict resolution. In other words, how is this story going to turn out? What's going to happen? Is Mr. Holland going to write his opus? How is he going to deal with the challenges with his wife and the fact that he now has a deaf son that needs special care? And how might Mr. Holland's story of overcoming challenges relate to you? How are you going to overcome your problems and deal with your opponents?

I find that most people get stuck in the battle phase of their own personal stories. Isn't that true? Talk with someone about their life and see what they talk about? More often than not, it's the challenges. Of course, there's nothing in and of itself that is bad about that unless you get stuck in your battle. But at some point, you have to do what all great movies do, move beyond the battle. Although let's face it, battle scenes can make a movie! But what's next? Don't things need to get resolved?

So how are things going to get resolved? It wasn't easy for Mr. Holland. He had to learn to deal with his external opponents by making decisions about what was most important and setting new priorities. But, of course, this required battling himself from the standpoint of what to do about writing that opus that he thought was so important. And his wife wasn't going to allow him to avoid his son or not develop the kind of relationship that he was capable of having even though his son was deaf. None of this was easy but watching him deal with all of this makes the story really come alive.

My apologies in advance for giving away the ending to the movie but I just can't help myself. At the end of Mr. Holland's career as a music teacher, he finds himself looking back on what he's accomplished, or as he sees it, not accomplished with a sense of failure. The one thing that he set out to do — i.e., becoming a world-class composer — hasn't happened. And what's worse, the music program is now in jeapardy of being cancelled because of a lack of funding. As Mr. Holland clears out his desk with his wife and son accompanying him, he hears something going on in the auditorium of the school. Of course, his wife and son know exactly what is going on. As Mr. Holland gets to the auditorium and opens the door, he sees it's filled with previous and present students. Hundreds of people that have been touched by him and his gifts as a music teacher, and they are there to thank him for his life's work.

Interestingly, an early clarinet student who was just one of the many students touched by Mr. Holland's unique gifts as a teacher, had become Governor of the State, and she was now serving as the master of ceremonies for this special surprise event. During her speech, she says something that brings what we'll call "The Resolution" clearly into focus. She says these words:

"Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life."

Mr. Holland breaks down in tears as this point and finally understands what his life has been about up to that point. He has clarity. He understands something he didn't udnerstand before. He has resolution which opens things up for the final part of any great story or movie, "The Celebration." In this case, Mr. Holland gets to hear what he has composed being performed by his students. There is much more to the movie than I've outlined here, but you probably get the idea. Mr. Holland is not a failure, he has discovered a greater success than he would have ever imagined for himself through the lives he has touched. He never realized until this moment that he had such an amazing teaching gift, and he certainly never realized the extent to which that gift had reached out into the world and really touched me people so deeply and profoundly.

And this brings us back to you. What about your life and your story? Where are you in the process of your story? Are you stuck dealing with an opponent? Have you been spending too many years in a battle? Are you learning that maybe the desire you started out with isn't the best one for you and there is something much better?

More importantly, how do you want your story to end?

Or how about this? Nowhere is it written that you can have only one story. Maybe the present story you are living needs "The Resolution" and "The Celebration" so you can create a new story. As the credits rolled for Mr. Holland's Opus, I found myself thinking that instead of retiring, Mr. Holland had plenty of time to become a composer if he still wanted to pursue that dream. But I also found myself thinking that sometimes what we get is better for us than what we might have wanted in the first place. Life is interesting that way. Sometimes we don't get what we want but we get what we need.

Maybe a fresh look at your life and the story you are living could give you a new perspective. How about viewing your life as a story and seeing where that leads you. Just take the 7 elements we've discussed and apply them to your life thus far.

THE DESIRE
Is what you have been chasing really want you want? Is "The Desire" the right one for you?

THE PROBLEM
Are the problems you are facing really that bad or are they serving you in some way? Is "The Problem" holding you back or getting you to grow?

THE PLAN
Is your plan producing good results or do you need a different approach? Does "The Plan" appear to be working or is it time to consider another strategy?

THE OPPONENTS
What about those people that you view as opponents? Are "The Opponents" maybe your greatest gift because they are forcing you to grow?

THE BATTLE
Are you stuck in a battle that maybe it's time to resolve? Is it time to realize that you can end "The Battle" at any time that you wish?

THE RESOLUTION
And finally, what lesson is life trying to teach you? Often all you need to resolve a situation is a new level of understanding which can come at any time. "The Resolution" just needs you to recognize the lesson so you can move on to that last element.

THE CELEBRATION
Whatever you do, don't forget "The Celebration." It's like the icing on the cake. But do me a favor. No matter where you are in your current story, remember that you don't have to wait until the end of it to have a party. Make your whole life a celebration. I think you'll find it's more fun that way.

Last year I did a special merger with Success.com and Success Magazine that I wrote about here:

Success.com Merges with Success Magazine

I am happy to report that my relationship with them has continued to grow and expand.

Here is a link to my latest article that will be published in the April 2009 edition of Success Magazine:

Top of Your Game: How to Be the Best

While you are at the Success Magazine site, check out some of my other articles that they have published.

Here is one entitled "Developing Everyday Leadership" which I think you will find useful:

Developing Everyday Leadership

And here is another entitled "Improving Your Most Important Relationship" which is based on a blog entry that I made here last year:

Improving Your Most Important Relationship in Life

While you are at the site, I'd love it if you would rate the articles. Of course, I expect nothing less than 5 stars!

:-)

Enjoy!

Every New Year many of us resolve to make changes in our lives, to set new and important goals. We're inspired by that annual turn of the calendar to wipe the slate clean and to write new scenarios for our lives. It's a logical time for new beginnings, new hopes, and new directions in our lives.

But if you've ever made New Year's resolutions — and I suspect you have — you know how difficult it is to keep them. We begin the month of January with our best intentions supported by genuine enthusiasm and optimism. Then what happens? Sometimes little by little, the will and momentum fades and pretty soon, we realize that our good intentions got lost along the way. That's when we say, "Oh well, there's always next year!"

Or at least that's what happens until we learn the secret to keeping those resolutions, the secret to achieving the goals we make. That secret, quite simply, is assuring that you have sound support for the lasting changes you want to make in your life. And that support is often available all around you: from your spouse, children, friends, co-workers, and anyone and everyone you know who has your best interests at heart. It's up to you to share your goals and enlist the support of those people who can help you.

But, of course, what's most important is what you do to support yourself. You may, for example, resolve to quit smoking, lose weight, get a promotion, or learn a new skill. Whatever your goal, systematically remind yourself of that goal, constantly, throughout every day. Honor that goal by never letting it out of your sight or mind and you will achieve it. Among all of your supporters, make sure that your voice is the loudest and the most enthusiastic, the one that never lets up. That's the key to successfully following through on resolutions-New Year's or otherwise.

Here at Success.bz, we don't wait for New Year's to make resolutions. We believe every day is the perfect day to make a fresh start, to establish a new goal, and to mark a new beginning. And we're dedicated to giving you the support you need to keep your resolutions.

Perhaps this would be a great time to start using our online "LifeOrganizer" program to map out a better future for yourself and begin tracking all of your progress. Simply select the "LifeOrganizer" tab on the top of our website if you want to take it for a spin.

Maybe it's time to listen to one of our many programs to gain some critical information you need to succeed. There are so many great programs online just waiting for you to listen to them and to start using the wisdom they contain. Or maybe one of our FREE newsletters would help you stay on track. How about signing up for a FREE motivational quote to be delivered to your inbox every day? There's nothing like a daily great idea in the form of a motivational quote to keep you inspired. We'd be thrilled to send you one everyday if you just sign up for the service. There are no strings attached.

Remember, the help you need to succeed is always close by but you have to be the one to recognize it and take action. So make this the year you take massive action toward all of your dreams.

Have you noticed how challenging things seem these days?

We have an economy that is less than stable, and recently we have been seeing wild fluctuations in the stock market with the value of the dollar plunging internationally. Within our own borders, we’ve seen some plummeting real estate values, and a mortgage situation that’s currently being described as a national crisis. Along with this we have rising oil prices with seemly no end in sight. And yet there's more, lot's more. We seem to be facing a never-ending series of problems in the Middle East, and the threats of terrorism that manifested themselves on 9/11 don't seem to be going away or getting any better. So it’s not just challenges in the world of economics. There seem to be challenges everywhere you look.

There are plenty of political and social challenges fighting for our attention but that's still just scratching the surface. How about the many environmental issues we hear about on an almost daily basis? Scientists are continuing to make dire predictions about things such as Global Warming and other environmental issues that could lead to serious consequences. And regardless of your position on these issues, we would all have to admit that we are adding more pollution to the planet than the world has ever seen. The size and scope of some of these problems are enormous. Surely, there is someone coming to the rescue, yes? We are right in the middle of one of the most interesting presidential elections we have seen in modern times but can we really count on any of the candidates to fix these and other problems or will they just create more problems as we’ve so often seen in the past?

So what do you do about all of this? Even if these challenges don’t get your attention, I’m willing to bet that you have any number of personal obstacles standing between you and your goals. You are undoubtedly engaged in the process of making your life better and that always involves a long list of challenges.

So the question is how do you handle challenges?

Is it time to crawl under the blanket and just wish the problems would go away? You already know my answer.

Basically, there are only two choices. One is to get discouraged by the mountain of problems that face us and allow our confidence to wane. This is never the right choice. This will cause us to shrink, not grow.

The other option is to approach the future with unshakable confidence and the belief that we will find solutions. You might not know what the solutions are but you can believe that they are there.

Isn’t it interesting that we always find a way? Think back to past problems you have overcome personally. If you are honest with yourself, you have to admit that you’ve triumphed over some onerous obstacles. You’ve overcome many major challenges in your life. Isn’t that true? And haven’t we always found a way through difficult times both nationally and internationally even in the face of what seemed like insurmountable challenges? One of the best ways to build confidence for the future is to think about the problems we’ve already faced and overcome in the past. We’ve triumphed before, and we can triumph again.

The fact of the matter is that our world has been in peril for a long time. Some would even say it’s always been in peril but maybe it is more intense these days. Let’s face it, we have the power to blow ourselves up with the push of a few buttons. That hasn’t always been the case on planet earth. What’s worse is that we have many people on the planet who actually believe that pushing a few of those buttons would be a good idea. If that’s not a challenge then I don’t know what is.

But here’s a way to keep your confidence level high in the face of such challenges. Think about the fact that we’ve overcome difficulties before and we can do it again. I sometimes say to my clients that the bigger the problem, the bigger than hero that’s needed. I think we all have the power to be heroes, and I believe that winning at the game of life requires being heroic. I think a hero is someone who is willing to face a challenge head on with unstoppable confidence. It doesn’t mean you blindly charge ahead without a plan and some honest concern. It just means that you don’t let a challenge stop you. It always seems easier to back away from a challenge but deep down we all know that’s not the case. It is only by stepping into the unknown with courage and conviction that we grow and become more. You have to get out of your comfort zone to grow.

So when you hear all of the bad news about the world falling apart or you think about your own personal challenges and problems, think about this:

We are bigger than anything that could ever happen to us. We have the power and ability to overcome the challenges that might try to block us from our destiny. Sure, I can’t prove to you that those statements are true, but I choose to believe them. In fact, I think it takes a great deal of confidence in the future to believe them. But after all, confidence is the single greatest skill that we can foster and develop. So enjoy the present with the unshakeable conviction that the future can be better than the past if we have the confidence to make it that way.

You are probably aware by now that I recently struck a deal to merge the domain name "success.com" with Success Magazine. I can't tell you how thrilled I am with this deal.

Success Magazine was originally founded way back in 1891 by Orison Swett Marden. It has been led over the years by such renowned authors as Napoleon Hill, W. Clement Stone, and Og Mandino. As a part of this transition, I have taken a stake in the future of Success Magazine, and I am going to begin working with them and contributing many articles and features. I am hoping to help make the magazine even more successful in its second 100 years of publication.

My personal mission in life has always been to help others experience more success in every area of their lives, and this new merger will allow me to amplify my efforts.

As far as everything on the website is concerned, nothing changes except the domain name. The new domain name is "success.bz." So starting immediately, the old Success.com will become the new Success.bz.

Everyone knows .com but very few have heard about .bz.

So what's the difference? Nothing really.

If you've never heard of .bz, you should know that it is another top level domain exactly like .com. It works the very same way. If fact, there are literally hundreds of top level domains, or TLD's as they are known — i.e., .net, .org, .edu, .tv, .us, etc. It's interesting that .com has become the most popular; however, who knows what will happen over time as the Internet is still in its infancy.

I've heard more and more people talk about the fact that you can't find any more good "dot coms" because they are all taken. And as so often happens when people start to think that something is scarce, the price begins to escalate. People have paid some amazing sums just to have a "dot com" of their choice. In fact, I've had many people call me to ask if I accepted an outrageous sum for "success.com" from Success Magazine; however, my agreement with Success Magazine prevents me from disclosing any particulars. I can say that I believe it was a win-win deal, and I'm looking forward to working with Success Magazine as they re-launch the publication. In fact, as I mentioned, I'll be writing many new articles and columns for the magazine.

I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere as far as this site is concerned, and I'm as committed as ever to helping you achieve your goals. So rest assured that it's business as usual with everything that currently exists on the website, and the many new features we have planned for the future.

At this point, all you need to do is change your bookmarks to now point to Success.bz and get ready for more exciting announcements because we have a long list of exciting developments that are going to help you to accelerate your progress in 2008 and beyond.

Thanksgiving is the time when most everyone focuses their thoughts, if for some only briefly, on what they have to be thankful for in life. Certainly, daily thanksgiving would be a better strategy than waiting for a yearly holiday; nevertheless, Thanksgiving is a great time to remind ourselves about what’s most important in life and think about the many blessings that have come our way.

I came across something very interesting recently that I thought I would share on this Thanksgiving Day. It was written by Kent M. Keith back in 1968 when he was only 19 years old. Amazingly, this short piece has traveled around the world and even ended up on the wall of people such as Mother Teresa. It’s called "The Paradoxical Commandments." I hope you enjoy it!

* * * * *

THE PARADOXICAL COMMANDMENTS
by Keith M. Kent

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

* * * * *

If you would like to learn more about Kent Keith or the history behind "The Paradoxical Commandments," here is a link to his website:

Click here to visit "The Paradoxical Commandments" website

I like to think about these kinds of paradoxes, especially as they relate to Thanksgiving. Sometimes giving thanks for what we have is difficult because things are not exactly the way we would like for them to be or not the way we planned for them to be. Maybe it would be good to add another line to "The Paradoxical Commandments" on this Thanksgiving Day:

* * * * *

If you work hard to achieve your goals and maintain an attitude of thanksgiving, you may still fall short of your expectations.
Work hard and be thankful anyway.

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I like adding this last statement, especially on Thanksgiving. Besides, you may be short of your expectations now, but who knows what opportunity is going to present itself right around the next corner!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I had an interesting conversation with a client recently that reminded me of the movie “The Perfect Storm” starring George Clooney. Have you watched that movie?

It’s about a struggling fishing boat captain played by George Clooney. In the movie, George is desperately trying to stay in business after a string of bad luck and not being able to find great fishing spots. Unfortunately, he is so intent on finding fish at any cost, he ignores his better judgment and years of experience to steer his ship right in the middle of a massive storm.

As I was listening to my client describe his current situation, it brought to mind parallels with the movie. My client thought he was under extreme pressure to make a decision to change the nature of his business and because he didn’t think things through clearly, he had just steered his once prosperous business into the perfect storm. Rather than take the time and make the effort necessary to carefully think through his many options, my client was so intent on pushing his business forward that he took some extremely large risks — the kind of risks that he would normally steer clear of. What’s even more interesting is that he chose to ignore many critical indicators in his business that would have confirmed that this was indeed not the time for such a risky move.

In the movie, George Clooney as the fishing boat captain had all of the instruments necessary to see the weather patterns and to predict the course of the storm but he chose to ignore everything out of desperation to catch some fish. Unfortunately, this decision cost him and his crew their lives as their small boat and all of their skills on the sea were no match for the storm.

Luckily, my client is not facing such a perilous end. However, his decision will cost him a great deal of money, and it will force him to lay off some extremely talented people. But with some clear thinking and strategic planning, the business will prosper again. Storms don’t last forever and the sun will indeed shine again.

Just keep in mind that the best course to take is the one where you maneuver your ship around the storms of life. True, you can’t avoid all storms or adversity but you can avoid more than you might imagine with proper planning. Sometimes, the only thing you need to do is take a deep breathe and ask yourself if the course you are on is going where you really want to go. Are you steering yourself into any storms that you could avoid? And if you are thinking seriously about heading into a storm, have you asked yourself if it’s really worth the risk? There are an abundance of fish throughout the ocean so why not find a calm, sunny spot and then cast your line?

Over the years I've noticed that many people never bother to set goals for themselves. Nevertheless, these same people often want a better job. They want a better family life. They want more money. They want better health. They want to travel. They have a seemingly endless list of "wants," but unfortunately, they have no clearly defined goals or plans to get what they want.

During my business career, I've interviewed hundreds of prospective employees for a wide variety of positions. In the course of a typical interview, I ask a lot of questions, but two of my favorites are: "What do you see yourself doing 3 to 5 years from now?" and, "If you could have any job in the world, what would be the perfect job for you?"

You might be surprised to know how many candidates have trouble with those questions. I don't mean them to be trick questions or attempts to stump the applicants, but simply to find out how they're thinking about the future. Actually, I'm thoroughly delighted when occasionally someone responds by saying that in five years they'd like to be running the company.

But regrettably, that's the exception, because too many job-seekers, I've found, haven't projected themselves into the future with their goals. Not many people willingly give up control of their future, but that's exactly what happens when we don't set goals for ourselves. You see, without goals it isn't possible to realistically imagine what you'll be doing five years from now. And without goals, I don't think anyone can even imagine the perfect job for themselves. And without goals they could never imagine getting such a job.

What so many people don't realize — and never learn — is that we all have the power to mold and design our lives to fit our desires. You can even say we have the power to predict our future. That power lies in our ability to choose — choosing to set goals for our lives.

I recognize we all are obliged to live life one day at a time, but we shortchange ourselves when we live only in the present. Much of life's joy comes from anticipating what we've made the future hold for us. The simple matter of a vacation trip, for example, is a worthy goal that requires advance planning, often months in advance. The old saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day," not only suggests the virtue of patience, but the benefits of advance planning as well. The goals we set are our tools for planning and anticipating our future. Little of importance can be accomplished — or enjoyed — in life without looking ahead with goals.

I've worked with many top business executives who had enviable records for successfully setting and achieving goals for their companies. What I've found, too often, unfortunately, is that these same executives have incomplete lives off the job. They steer their companies but not their own lives. They focus so completely on the demands of their careers that they neglect to set and pursue goals for a life outside the office, often with unhappy consequences.

From time to time I've heard my aircraft pilot friends talking about "staying ahead of the power curve," or "keeping ahead of the airplane." I learned by asking that this is the happy state good pilots strive for by planning every flight thoroughly in advance. They keep ahead of the airplane by anticipating every power setting, every altitude and heading, every radio setting before the plane gets to the point where the adjustment is needed.

I think that's a perfect analogy for goal-setting. It seems to me that we're simply making a flight plan for our life when we conscientiously set our goals for what we want. Unfortunately, the choice so many people make is not to set goals. They are deciding — by default — to drift along, to fly blind and hope everything will turn out OK. It shouldn't be a surprise when things never work out the way they want them to and they always find themselves behind the power curve.

The hard truth everyone must learn is that the only way we get what we want in life — that is, the only chance we have of getting to our destination — is by setting goals and then preparing, planning and acting with determination.

Now, we know that in life, everything worthwhile has its price. And we should also understand that the price for setting goals is the investment of a certain amount of time and effort. But when all is said and done, this amounts to far less than the cost of frustration that comes from not setting goals.

Someone very wise has observed that it's easier to win than to lose, and believe it or not, that's true. We have a choice. The costs of winning are much less than the costs of losing. We can choose to pay the price for success — or automatically pay the price for failure.

This is another way of saying that life actually becomes easier when we have goals to reach for. A life not governed by goals has greater chances for getting off course. Again, we have a choice. We either stretch and grow by our own specifications, our goals — or we let life's capricious challenges, by default, dictate our future.

On the other hand, I'm sure you know of people, as I do, who are remarkably successful, but who seem to get along, apparently without setting goals. Instead, they are so moved by a consuming passion for what they do that their work and careers appear to flow effortlessly from one triumph to another. The world's great scientists, for example, as well as artists — musicians, writers, painters and the like, fall into this category.

I mention this only because in such cases appearances can be deceiving. The passion of genius is often so great that goal-setting is a built-in process and is carried out automatically or intuitively to move these individuals forward in their lives and careers. For the most part, they are constantly setting new goals for themselves without having to think about it very much.

Well, just because they make it look easy, the rest of us can't be deterred from investing the time and effort that we require to set the goals we need to move us ahead. But I will add this good news: The more we work at goal-setting, the better we get at it — even to the point of it becoming so routine, it almost seems automatic.

I believe you'll also discover, as I have, that the goal setting process is an exciting experience that actually gives you the ability to take charge of your life — to mold your life for success — to experience the best that life has to offer.

The first step toward mastering your destiny is simply acknowledging that it's possible to exert control over your life. You must accept that you have the power to exert that control. Unfortunately, few people really live in this way.

For many, the word destiny conveys a curious, even mystical concept. The dictionary calls destiny "the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible course of events." It is a definition that appears to have many interpretations.

For some, destiny means life is controlled, even predestined, by external forces over which individuals have little or no say.

The ancient Greeks, for example, believed that a person's future was determined by three goddesses called the Fates, or the Destinies. The first Fate, Clotho, spun the thread of life. The second, Lachesis, measured the length of the thread so that the last Fate, Atropos, would know where to cut the thread to end the individual's life.

Since Ancient Greece, people have found reason to believe sincerely that their individual destinies were determined by such other disparate forces as gods, astrological signs, spirits, numerology, and even aliens from outer space! For some, divine predestination is an important religious belief. Some are convinced that individual fate is determined solely by either heredity or environment or both.

The obvious problems with such preemptive prescriptions for life is that they not only relieve individuals of the responsibility for their actions, but they rob us of incentive and initiative to live up to our potential. It reminds me of what I call the "conveyor belt" philosophy of life. With this outlook, we merely have to step on at the beginning and be carried through life without initiative or interruption to a predetermined destination. It may be safe, it may be secure and undemanding, but it leaves little room for creativity, individual achievement, or opportunities to enjoy the ride.

Let's look again at the definition of the word destiny. It says that destiny is "the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible course of events." What's missing here, of course, is the who! Who predetermines the course of events? I certainly don't mean to fault or take issue with those who, by religious teaching or tradition do ascribe a part of the direction or influence for their lives to a higher power. But I don't think any of us can afford to abdicate complete responsibility for what happens in our lives. If we're to progress, if we're to succeed, if we're to reap the rewards of our efforts, each of us has to be the one who predetermines and makes inevitable or irresistible the course of events in our lives.

Consider Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." We have to give him credit for recognizing the inevitable consequences of his old ways. In the end of the story, he leaves us with the timeless and uplifting lesson that not only do we each predetermine our individual fate in life, but we each have the power, through our own actions, to shape a more rewarding destiny for ourselves at any time.

These reflections on individual destiny always bring me back to the familiar but reliable saying that God, or whatever higher power you prefer, always helps those who help themselves. I don't believe anyone is entered as a favorite in the human race. Certainly some people start out with more than others, but everyone is given opportunities to advance in the world, and everyone has the free will and power to act on those opportunities. We all are empowered to reach our highest potential. Not to do so is a waste of the gifts of talent and free will that are our natural birthright.

So I urge you to define your destiny as a self-charted path to the successful future that you've decided to create. Experience the full potential of your destiny by exercising the power of your talents and the free will you have been given. Consider your destiny as a happy, exciting, and fulfilling journey that is always in progress, not just a final destination. It is the sum total of your well-designed life. It is the highest expression of what you believe. Your destiny is predetermined by you and is always subject to change for the better.

You can look at your life in two ways: that your destiny is something that happens to you, or that it's something you actively create. For me, the choice here is obvious. Become the architect of your own life. Use your power over your destiny to design your future and shape the world around you. Be the one who makes things happen!