What are you reading these days? If I had access to your house, would I find a stack of interesting books on your night stand?

Just for fun, I recently grabbed the books off of my wife's nightstand. She always seems to find great books to read so I selected four books from her stack to see what I might learn. What I like to do is try to pull one or two powerful ideas from every book that I read. So here is a glimpse into four books that you might want on your reading list.

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DARKNESS VISIBLE
A Memoir of Madness
by William Styron

This is a book I would have never selected myself. Yet sometimes the books that can be most helpful to us are the ones that we might never select ourselves. I tend to like the more positive books that focus on success and achievement rather than the books that delve into the pain that can be experienced in life. But sometimes the most powerful lessons in life come from painful experiences. And luckily, I found that this book does have a happy ending.

If you've ever sufferred from depression or know someone close that has, you know how debilitating it can be. This book is Pulitzer Prize Winning author William Styron's memoir about his descent into depression, and the triumph of recovery.

I knew that this was going to be interesting, when I saw this opening quote:

For the thing which
I greatly feared is come upon me,
and that which I was afraid of
Is come unto me.
I was not in safety, neither
had I rest, neither was I quiet;
yet trouble came.
- Job 3:25-26

I never thought of this quote in relation to depression but I can now see the connection.

Styron also uses some quotes from Dante's THE DIVINE COMEDY:

In the middle of the journey of our life
I found myself in a dark wood,
Where the straight way was lost.

You'll need to read about his experiences yourself, but this book will give you a glimpse into very serious depression. The good news is that Styron finally ends the book with his own translation to the final line of Dante's Inferno section of THE DIVINE COMEDY:

And so we came forth, and once again beheld the stars.

Here's my major idea from the book:

Don't ever think that a problem cannot be overcome even if you don't fully understand it, and especially if no one else understands it. There are always answers and hope. Or to say it another way, it's always too soon to give up.

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HEAVEN IS FOR REAL
A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back
by Todd Burpo

If you wonder about what happens after death, you might find studying near death experiences to be something worthwhile. And if you study near death experiences, definitely don't miss this book. It's about a kid that goes to heaven while undergoing life-threatening surgery.

Here's my major idea from the book:

Near death experiences may be one of the best sources of information about what happens after death and what heaven is like. And since kids often have a closer connection with the spiritual realm, a kid that had a near death experience is really fascinating to study.

However, none of this seems to negate the fact that our current home on planet earth is caught up in the great war between good and evil which seems to put us in various battles where we must constantly choose how we are going to learn, because learning seems to be the name of the game.

The question is whether we will choose to learn through pleasure or pain, and even if the pain comes, will we choose to allow it to overcome us or allow it to transform us into something better?

Of course, not just believing but actually KNOWING that heaven is for real, can change your entire experience of life. Temporary pain is much more bearable if you remember that you are spiritual traveler heading to a place without such pain.

* * * * *

FAILURE TO CONNECT
How Computers Affect Our Children's Minds — and What We Can Do About It
by Jane M. Healy, Ph.D.

I can certainly see why my wife is reading this one. We have a son who is almost a teenager now, and he is obsessed with computer and video games which which means he needs to be monitored.

Here's my major idea from this book as written by the author:

Just because children — particularly young ones — are performing tasks that look technologically sophisticated does not mean they are learning anything important.

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SWAY
The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior
by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman

This book is over-the-top interesting. If you wonder about human nature and why people do what they do, don't miss this book.

The authors present some fascinating hidden psychological undercurrents that affect us all:

Loss Aversion - our tendency to go to great lengths to avoid possible losses.

Value Attribution - our inclination to imbue a person or thing with certain qualities based on initial perceived value.

Diagnosis Bias - our blindness to all evidence that contradicts our initial assessment of a person or situation.

They talk a lot about the challenges resulting from blind commitment to anything in life.

Here are a few major ideas from this book:

How to Conquer "Loss Aversion" …
"Having a long-term plan — and not casting it aside — is the key to dealing with our fear of loss."

Don't chase losses trying to unlose what you've already lost.

Also, don't get swayed by the hidden forces of commitment to a current course of action. Don't always try to cover your losses. Let some losses stand as what they really are in the overall grand scheme of things. Pretend you are starting from scratch based on where you are now without the memory of the past and then decide! (In business, some people talk about the mental game of pretending that you are going to move your business across the street, and then asking yourself what you would do differently. What's so powerful about this idea is that it can help you see things that you would do differently if you weren't so engrossed in your current challenges.)

How to Conquer "Value Attribution" …
Learn to discern the real or intrinsic value rather than someone else's opinion or the price society puts on something.

How to Conquer "Diagnosis Bias" …
Observe things the way they really are, not the way you initially saw them.

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Now that I've read some of my wife's books, I'd better get back to work on my own list. Here's a quote that may help give you some reading motivation:

You are the same today that you are going to be in five years from now except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read.
- Charles Jones

Of course, I would add audio programs to Charlie's list because it can sometimes be really powerful to hear an author deliver his or her work with all of the emotion that goes along with the ideas being presented. I guess that's why I love listening to authors in addition to reading what they have to say. Sometimes that added emotion can make all of the difference in bringing an idea to life.

Have you ever thought about your life as a story? My quess is that you'll benefit greatly by thinking about the story of your life, and perhaps analyzing your performance thus far. By doing this, you'll probably be able to see for the first time what your life has really been about as well as where your life is heading. The truth of the matter is that all of us are actually writing, directing, and starring in our own story every day. We just don't tend to think of it that way. But here's an interesting question to consider: Would you enjoy going to the movies to see your story being acted out? Is it a good story that others would find interesting or, for that matter, would you find it interesting? Would you like how you are living your life if you were watching yourself on a movie screen?

One of my favorite pastimes is watching movies. I love a good movie. Nothing seems to have the power to carry me away like a great story brought to life on the big screen. But have you ever stopped to think that many of the stories we like the most are actually quite similiar in structure? In fact, you might be surprised to learn that most successful movies are based on stories that have only a few key elements. I've seen academic lists of 5 elements including Introduction, Rising Action, Climax, Falling Action, and Denouement from movie critics, and I also remember hearing someone use as many as 7 elements to analyze movies which I found more interesting because the elements used could more easily be connected with a person's life. For our purposes, I'm going to use a rough outline of those 7 elements I once heard discussed but I'm going to change the order a bit and relabel them in an effort to help you see how powerful this concept can be when it comes to living your best possible life.

Remember, your life really is a story, or series of stories. And maybe by detaching to see your life as a moviegoer would see it, you'll be able to see things you've never seen before. By viewing your life as a story, is it possible that you might discover how to make it better? How to get unstuck? How to solve your current problems? How to overcome whatever is that's standing between you and what it is you really want in life?

Most stories start with a person that has a desire or a wish or a goal that he or she wants to make real. We could simply label this element "The Desire."

Let's use the movie Mr. Holland's Opus to bring this whole concept to life. Richard Dreyfuss plays the leading role of Mr. Holland who is a man on a mission. He is a man who wants to write great music. He wants to be a world-class composer. But a story only begins with "The Desire". What makes a story start to take life and get us involved and engaged very quickly is the next element which we'll call "The Problem."

In the movie, Mr. Holland's Opus, we quickly see that Mr. Holland has a major problem which can simply be labeled the cares of life. He needs money so he can have the free time he wants to write his opus. He needs to figure out a way to make some money. We can probably all identify with that problem on many levels. So often we have a desire to do something but it costs money. If we don't have the money, we have a problem that needs to be solved.

But the movie also doesn't stop there. Part of what makes any story interesting is seeing how problems are going to be overcome and Mr. Holland doesn't disappoint us. He jumps right in to the next element of a story which we'll call "The Plan." Mr. Holland's plan is simple. He is going to teach music until he can finish his great opus or symphony and, in the process, become a world-renowned composer. It's an interesting desire with a plan to overcome his immediate problem. "The Desire" followed by "The Problem" with the introduction of "The Plan" that appears to have some merit. Isn't it also interesting that we could probably identify these same elements in our own life? What's your desire? What do you want to accomplish? What is your problem? What's holding you back or standing between you and your desire? And what is your plan? Do you have a strategy to work your way through the problem or problems facing you in life?

Of course, we know that there's always more to a great story than a desire, a problem, and a plan. If fact, if that's all there was to Mr. Holland's Opus, or any other movie we were watching, we'd probably be on the verge of being quite bored and getting ready to ask for our money back before we even finish our popcorn. But it's the next element of a great story that makes things really get interesting. Let's call this next part "The Opponents."

Great stories have many levels of opponents and this is certainly true in the movie Mr. Holland's Opus. And the job of the opponents is to do everything they can do to block "The Plan" and that's exactly what happens to Mr. Holland. While Mr. Holland is content to do the minimum requirements as a music teacher so he has plenty of free time to compose his opus, the principal of the school has another idea. She doesn't want Mr. Holland sneaking out early when there are students that need additional help. And we quickly see that Mr. Holland is confronted by a whole host of students that don't appear to have a lick of musical talent yet he is expected to teach them. Let's label all of these opponents, external opponents.

Getting back to your story, do you have any opponents? People that are holding you back? You might right now be making a list in your mind. What makes Mr. Holland's Opus so interesting is the fact that he doesn't just have one opponent but a number of opponents. I've heard people categorize opponents into three areas including external, internal, and intimate. The external opponents are easy to see. For Mr. Holland, we already discussed the principal and students but there were also others if you watch the movie and think about this a bit.

For example, what about the internal opponent that we all face? In the movie, we can see Mr. Holland conflicted about what to do just as we so often are with the choices we face in life. Mr. Holland wants to get his opus written and become a world-class composer, but he also wants to do right thing for the students that have been entrusted to him. And if that's not enough, the movie quickly shows us that there are two key intimate opponents. Mr. Holland and his wife are blessed with the birth of a son but it is quickly discovered that the son is deaf. Imagine being a musician where hearing is everything to you and now you are presented with a child that cannot hear. Mr. Holland and his wife now have a son that is going to require a great deal of additional time to raise. I suppose you could say that this is how the plot thickens as Mr. Holland has to deal with some pretty challenging intimate family relationships which can be seen as opponents to Mr. Holland's desire or goal.

Can you identify with the idea of external, internal, and intimate opponents in your life? It's not unusual that the biggest part of a movie, or the story of your life, to get caught up in the drama of dealing with opponents. In fact, as the opponents become more and more clear, we could say that the next phase of the story is rather obvious and is often simply called "The Battle." Rarely do opponents just cave in without a conflict. And it's often this struggle with opponents that glues us to a story. There might now be a chase scene or a toe-to-toe fight between the good guy and the bad guy that is almost cliche in movies, but there has to be some form of what might be called conflict resolution. In other words, how is this story going to turn out? What's going to happen? Is Mr. Holland going to write his opus? How is he going to deal with the challenges with his wife and the fact that he now has a deaf son that needs special care? And how might Mr. Holland's story of overcoming challenges relate to you? How are you going to overcome your problems and deal with your opponents?

I find that most people get stuck in the battle phase of their own personal stories. Isn't that true? Talk with someone about their life and see what they talk about? More often than not, it's the challenges. Of course, there's nothing in and of itself that is bad about that unless you get stuck in your battle. But at some point, you have to do what all great movies do, move beyond the battle. Although let's face it, battle scenes can make a movie! But what's next? Don't things need to get resolved?

So how are things going to get resolved? It wasn't easy for Mr. Holland. He had to learn to deal with his external opponents by making decisions about what was most important and setting new priorities. But, of course, this required battling himself from the standpoint of what to do about writing that opus that he thought was so important. And his wife wasn't going to allow him to avoid his son or not develop the kind of relationship that he was capable of having even though his son was deaf. None of this was easy but watching him deal with all of this makes the story really come alive.

My apologies in advance for giving away the ending to the movie but I just can't help myself. At the end of Mr. Holland's career as a music teacher, he finds himself looking back on what he's accomplished, or as he sees it, not accomplished with a sense of failure. The one thing that he set out to do — i.e., becoming a world-class composer — hasn't happened. And what's worse, the music program is now in jeapardy of being cancelled because of a lack of funding. As Mr. Holland clears out his desk with his wife and son accompanying him, he hears something going on in the auditorium of the school. Of course, his wife and son know exactly what is going on. As Mr. Holland gets to the auditorium and opens the door, he sees it's filled with previous and present students. Hundreds of people that have been touched by him and his gifts as a music teacher, and they are there to thank him for his life's work.

Interestingly, an early clarinet student who was just one of the many students touched by Mr. Holland's unique gifts as a teacher, had become Governor of the State, and she was now serving as the master of ceremonies for this special surprise event. During her speech, she says something that brings what we'll call "The Resolution" clearly into focus. She says these words:

"Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life."

Mr. Holland breaks down in tears as this point and finally understands what his life has been about up to that point. He has clarity. He understands something he didn't udnerstand before. He has resolution which opens things up for the final part of any great story or movie, "The Celebration." In this case, Mr. Holland gets to hear what he has composed being performed by his students. There is much more to the movie than I've outlined here, but you probably get the idea. Mr. Holland is not a failure, he has discovered a greater success than he would have ever imagined for himself through the lives he has touched. He never realized until this moment that he had such an amazing teaching gift, and he certainly never realized the extent to which that gift had reached out into the world and really touched me people so deeply and profoundly.

And this brings us back to you. What about your life and your story? Where are you in the process of your story? Are you stuck dealing with an opponent? Have you been spending too many years in a battle? Are you learning that maybe the desire you started out with isn't the best one for you and there is something much better?

More importantly, how do you want your story to end?

Or how about this? Nowhere is it written that you can have only one story. Maybe the present story you are living needs "The Resolution" and "The Celebration" so you can create a new story. As the credits rolled for Mr. Holland's Opus, I found myself thinking that instead of retiring, Mr. Holland had plenty of time to become a composer if he still wanted to pursue that dream. But I also found myself thinking that sometimes what we get is better for us than what we might have wanted in the first place. Life is interesting that way. Sometimes we don't get what we want but we get what we need.

Maybe a fresh look at your life and the story you are living could give you a new perspective. How about viewing your life as a story and seeing where that leads you. Just take the 7 elements we've discussed and apply them to your life thus far.

THE DESIRE
Is what you have been chasing really want you want? Is "The Desire" the right one for you?

THE PROBLEM
Are the problems you are facing really that bad or are they serving you in some way? Is "The Problem" holding you back or getting you to grow?

THE PLAN
Is your plan producing good results or do you need a different approach? Does "The Plan" appear to be working or is it time to consider another strategy?

THE OPPONENTS
What about those people that you view as opponents? Are "The Opponents" maybe your greatest gift because they are forcing you to grow?

THE BATTLE
Are you stuck in a battle that maybe it's time to resolve? Is it time to realize that you can end "The Battle" at any time that you wish?

THE RESOLUTION
And finally, what lesson is life trying to teach you? Often all you need to resolve a situation is a new level of understanding which can come at any time. "The Resolution" just needs you to recognize the lesson so you can move on to that last element.

THE CELEBRATION
Whatever you do, don't forget "The Celebration." It's like the icing on the cake. But do me a favor. No matter where you are in your current story, remember that you don't have to wait until the end of it to have a party. Make your whole life a celebration. I think you'll find it's more fun that way.

Have you thought much about the most important relationship in your life? Now I’m not talking about the relationship you have with your spouse or significant other or the relationship you have with anyone else that you might be thinking about right now. I’m actually talking about the relationship you have with yourself. It’s easy to overlook the fact the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship in life. Let’s face it, if we can’t get along well with ourselves, we have a pretty big challenge on our hands.

Now I know at the onset of this article that there are those that will take issue with my position that the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship in life. But if you’ll stay with me for a moment, I think I’ll be able to convince you that the starting point for having a great relationship with anyone else, is mastering the relationship you have with yourself. In addition, if you aren’t now making the progress in life that you would like to make and are capable of making, I’d be willing to bet that what we are going to discuss will show you why. So let’s talk about your relationship with you.

I believe that the first step in managing your relationship with yourself is to determine what you actually think about yourself. You might be surprised with what you discover. I’ve learned that all too often we reserve our harshest criticism and our most negative thoughts for ourselves. And it’s just these thoughts that so often stand in the way of us achieving those things we most want in life.

You’ve undoubtedly heard the statement that “Our thoughts control our lives” which is covered extensively in the world’s great success literature. But let me ask you this: “What do you think about yourself?” In other words, “What are the thoughts you are having about yourself that are controlling your life?”

In my seminars and private coaching sessions, I like to ask people where their thoughts come from. This is always a fascinating discussion. People will say that their thoughts come from their parents and the way they were raised along with influences from all of the experiences they have had in life. Certainly, all of these things and many more are part of the answer. However, I think there is something much more significant that is often completely missed.

I believe that our thoughts ultimately come from the questions that we ask ourselves on a daily basis. In fact, I like to go so far as to say that every thought we think is preceded by a question. Think about this for a minute and I bet you’ll agree with me.

We are constantly asking questions like “What should I do in this situation?” which leads to thoughts about what to do. The question “How will this affect the outcome that I am working to achieve?” will stimulate a whole series of thoughts and ideas and possible scenarios to consider. Even questions such as “Is this the right thing to do?” will lead to all kinds of thoughts about good and bad and/or right and wrong. Truly, the questions we ask and the thoughts they lead to are endless.

But here’s something that’s not always obvious. Questions can become very deep seated and begin generating thoughts that don’t really serve us … thoughts that aren’t good for us. And since we are around ourselves all of the time, these questions are controlling our thoughts so we need to know what they are. Otherwise, we can continue asking these disempowering questions for months, years, decades, or even our entire life unless we learn how to step behind the curtain and take control.

Imagine having to be around someone who is constantly bugging you or irritating you. For all too many people, that describes the relationship they have with themselves!

Let me give you an example of how one question could be in conflict with the relationship you have with yourself, and how it could derail you on your quest for greater success.

I’ve discovered that many people have big generalized questions like this one: “What are they thinking of me?” Imagine having that question constantly roaming around in your mind. One client told me that she’s had this question since she was a little girl, and although this client has achieved some great things in her life, she still hasn’t found peace, happiness, or any level of fulfillment. She said that she feels like no matter what she does, it doesn’t feel like enough. Isn’t that interesting? Here is a lady who is a Fortune 500 executive, earning an amazing amount of money, receiving constant praise for her work, and yet she feels like no matter what she does it isn’t enough. She’s making a great contribution to others by serving on a very high level but she is not happy on the inside. This reminds me of the old saying that “Success without fulfillment is failure.”

I think the answer to her challenge can be found in this main question that she’s been asking herself for years. Many questions have a presupposition and wouldn’t you say that her question (“What are they thinking of me?”) contains within it the idea that people may not be thinking good things about her?

Of course, the fact of the matter is that we can never really know what other people are thinking about us. Sure, you could ask someone to tell you what he or she is thinking but you might not get the truth.

The ultimate problem with this question, however, is that it puts other people in the driver’s seat of your life. While a question like this might motivate you to get other people to think good things about you, you will never know for sure what other people think. And, most importantly, do you really want to base your life of what other people think of you?

Now I realize that this example may not illustrate your question or situation, but I hope it gets you thinking about what your question or questions might be. What is it that you are asking yourself underneath all of the stuff that is going on in your life? If you want to find out, do what I call a “Mental Download” and start writing down the thoughts that cross your mind. You’ll be amazed by what you discover. Just as a computer program can have bugs that prevent it from operating correctly, you may have a few thoughts in your mental computer that are getting in the way of your success.

In the past few weeks, here are some questions that clients have shared with me: Am I smart enough to do this? What if I try and fail? Why can’t I accomplish my goal? Why is it easier for other people? How can I protect myself if things go bad? Why can’t I lose the weight I want to lose?

How about starting to examine your thoughts and figure out what questions are whirring around in your consciousness? One of the things I most enjoy doing is helping people discover their questions and corresponding thoughts. In fact, I’ve learned over the years that for most people, there is one main question that is having an enormous influence on every aspect of their life. I can promise you that discovering your main question will transform every aspect of your life. It will allow you to have a better relationship with yourself and everyone else in your life. And achieving your goals will be easier than ever before.

I’ve seen people transformed immediately once they discovered the underlying questions and corresponding thoughts that are controlling their life, especially the main question that they may have been trying to answer for decades. You may find that you can figure out your main question by yourself by completely a “Mental Download” or you might want to consider working with a coach that understands this process. The truth of the matter is that we are often too close to ourselves to see and understand exactly what’s going on.

There’s a great line in the play by Shakespeare entitled “The Life and Death of Julies Caeser” where the character Cassius asks Brutus if he can see his own face. Brutus replies: “No, Cassisus; for the eye sees not itself, but by reflection, by some other means.”

We can’t really see ourselves and so often a question that you’ve been asking since you were a child is standing in the way of you achieving a great relationship with yourself, and it’s standing in the way of you achieving your ultimate ideal in life. I believe there is nothing more important than uncovering the questions and thoughts that are controlling your life so you can once and for all take control of your destiny.

Lastly, remember the simple fact that all progress in life begins by asking a better question. Maybe now is the time to examine your thoughts on deep level so you can transform the questions you have, the thoughts you think, and the life you live.

Have you noticed how challenging things seem these days?

We have an economy that is less than stable, and recently we have been seeing wild fluctuations in the stock market with the value of the dollar plunging internationally. Within our own borders, we’ve seen some plummeting real estate values, and a mortgage situation that’s currently being described as a national crisis. Along with this we have rising oil prices with seemly no end in sight. And yet there's more, lot's more. We seem to be facing a never-ending series of problems in the Middle East, and the threats of terrorism that manifested themselves on 9/11 don't seem to be going away or getting any better. So it’s not just challenges in the world of economics. There seem to be challenges everywhere you look.

There are plenty of political and social challenges fighting for our attention but that's still just scratching the surface. How about the many environmental issues we hear about on an almost daily basis? Scientists are continuing to make dire predictions about things such as Global Warming and other environmental issues that could lead to serious consequences. And regardless of your position on these issues, we would all have to admit that we are adding more pollution to the planet than the world has ever seen. The size and scope of some of these problems are enormous. Surely, there is someone coming to the rescue, yes? We are right in the middle of one of the most interesting presidential elections we have seen in modern times but can we really count on any of the candidates to fix these and other problems or will they just create more problems as we’ve so often seen in the past?

So what do you do about all of this? Even if these challenges don’t get your attention, I’m willing to bet that you have any number of personal obstacles standing between you and your goals. You are undoubtedly engaged in the process of making your life better and that always involves a long list of challenges.

So the question is how do you handle challenges?

Is it time to crawl under the blanket and just wish the problems would go away? You already know my answer.

Basically, there are only two choices. One is to get discouraged by the mountain of problems that face us and allow our confidence to wane. This is never the right choice. This will cause us to shrink, not grow.

The other option is to approach the future with unshakable confidence and the belief that we will find solutions. You might not know what the solutions are but you can believe that they are there.

Isn’t it interesting that we always find a way? Think back to past problems you have overcome personally. If you are honest with yourself, you have to admit that you’ve triumphed over some onerous obstacles. You’ve overcome many major challenges in your life. Isn’t that true? And haven’t we always found a way through difficult times both nationally and internationally even in the face of what seemed like insurmountable challenges? One of the best ways to build confidence for the future is to think about the problems we’ve already faced and overcome in the past. We’ve triumphed before, and we can triumph again.

The fact of the matter is that our world has been in peril for a long time. Some would even say it’s always been in peril but maybe it is more intense these days. Let’s face it, we have the power to blow ourselves up with the push of a few buttons. That hasn’t always been the case on planet earth. What’s worse is that we have many people on the planet who actually believe that pushing a few of those buttons would be a good idea. If that’s not a challenge then I don’t know what is.

But here’s a way to keep your confidence level high in the face of such challenges. Think about the fact that we’ve overcome difficulties before and we can do it again. I sometimes say to my clients that the bigger the problem, the bigger than hero that’s needed. I think we all have the power to be heroes, and I believe that winning at the game of life requires being heroic. I think a hero is someone who is willing to face a challenge head on with unstoppable confidence. It doesn’t mean you blindly charge ahead without a plan and some honest concern. It just means that you don’t let a challenge stop you. It always seems easier to back away from a challenge but deep down we all know that’s not the case. It is only by stepping into the unknown with courage and conviction that we grow and become more. You have to get out of your comfort zone to grow.

So when you hear all of the bad news about the world falling apart or you think about your own personal challenges and problems, think about this:

We are bigger than anything that could ever happen to us. We have the power and ability to overcome the challenges that might try to block us from our destiny. Sure, I can’t prove to you that those statements are true, but I choose to believe them. In fact, I think it takes a great deal of confidence in the future to believe them. But after all, confidence is the single greatest skill that we can foster and develop. So enjoy the present with the unshakeable conviction that the future can be better than the past if we have the confidence to make it that way.

Thanksgiving is the time when most everyone focuses their thoughts, if for some only briefly, on what they have to be thankful for in life. Certainly, daily thanksgiving would be a better strategy than waiting for a yearly holiday; nevertheless, Thanksgiving is a great time to remind ourselves about what’s most important in life and think about the many blessings that have come our way.

I came across something very interesting recently that I thought I would share on this Thanksgiving Day. It was written by Kent M. Keith back in 1968 when he was only 19 years old. Amazingly, this short piece has traveled around the world and even ended up on the wall of people such as Mother Teresa. It’s called "The Paradoxical Commandments." I hope you enjoy it!

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THE PARADOXICAL COMMANDMENTS
by Keith M. Kent

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

* * * * *

If you would like to learn more about Kent Keith or the history behind "The Paradoxical Commandments," here is a link to his website:

Click here to visit "The Paradoxical Commandments" website

I like to think about these kinds of paradoxes, especially as they relate to Thanksgiving. Sometimes giving thanks for what we have is difficult because things are not exactly the way we would like for them to be or not the way we planned for them to be. Maybe it would be good to add another line to "The Paradoxical Commandments" on this Thanksgiving Day:

* * * * *

If you work hard to achieve your goals and maintain an attitude of thanksgiving, you may still fall short of your expectations.
Work hard and be thankful anyway.

* * * * *

I like adding this last statement, especially on Thanksgiving. Besides, you may be short of your expectations now, but who knows what opportunity is going to present itself right around the next corner!

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my life mentors recently emailed the following story to me. I think you'll find that it contains a lot of wisdom.

* * * * *

A professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to filling the jar with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students agreed with an unanimous yes!

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents in to the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," the professor said, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things — your faith, your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions — things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff! "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your Happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers!"

* * * * *

There's a great deal of wisdom in this little story. It's so important to figure out what's most important in life. Most people major in minors throughout their entire life. Don't let that be you. Remind yourself often what's really worthy of your time and focus.

When I was just starting out in the world of business, my first mentor taught me something that I’ve used with great success over the years. In fact, I would have to say that learning this idea was one of those watershed moments when you know that you’ve just received an insight that will make your life infinitely better if you’ll only apply it.

I can still remember the context of the lesson. I was talking with my mentor about the fact that most of the people I was managing were not getting the results that I wanted. What I was mainly talking with him about was the fact that many of these individuals had fallen way short of my expectations and yet they were under the impression that they were doing outstanding work and were asking for more money.

I’ll never forget what he told me. He said, “Robert, all problems between people are the result of expectation gaps. The bigger the gap, the bigger the problem.” At the time, I don’t think I fully understood what he had just said but I wrote it down in my journal because it sounded like something I should remember and maybe even file away for future reference.

Through the years, I have to admit that every single problem I have had in any kind of dealing with any sort of person can always be traced back to this simple concept. “All problems between people are the result of expectation gaps.”

I quickly learned that the reason I was not getting the results I wanted was because I hadn’t communicated the results I wanted clearly in a way that could be easily understood.

Have you ever had a situation where someone is telling you how great a job he or she has done and you’re thinking about how far they missed the mark. Here’s the most important question: “Did you specify exactly what you wanted?”

Here’s another important question: “Did the person you gave the goal to understand your expectations?”

It’s only through clear communication that expectation gaps become eliminated. You have to ask for exactly what you want and you have to make sure that the person you are dealing with understands what you want.

Think of some areas where you might be experiencing expectation gaps. The most important thing is to identify the gaps and then begin thinking about ways to close them.

So what if you’ve clearly communicated your expectations to someone who clearly understands what you want and you still don’t get the results you’re after? Well, that’s the subject for a whole other blog post I think.

I had an interesting conversation with a client recently that reminded me of the movie “The Perfect Storm” starring George Clooney. Have you watched that movie?

It’s about a struggling fishing boat captain played by George Clooney. In the movie, George is desperately trying to stay in business after a string of bad luck and not being able to find great fishing spots. Unfortunately, he is so intent on finding fish at any cost, he ignores his better judgment and years of experience to steer his ship right in the middle of a massive storm.

As I was listening to my client describe his current situation, it brought to mind parallels with the movie. My client thought he was under extreme pressure to make a decision to change the nature of his business and because he didn’t think things through clearly, he had just steered his once prosperous business into the perfect storm. Rather than take the time and make the effort necessary to carefully think through his many options, my client was so intent on pushing his business forward that he took some extremely large risks — the kind of risks that he would normally steer clear of. What’s even more interesting is that he chose to ignore many critical indicators in his business that would have confirmed that this was indeed not the time for such a risky move.

In the movie, George Clooney as the fishing boat captain had all of the instruments necessary to see the weather patterns and to predict the course of the storm but he chose to ignore everything out of desperation to catch some fish. Unfortunately, this decision cost him and his crew their lives as their small boat and all of their skills on the sea were no match for the storm.

Luckily, my client is not facing such a perilous end. However, his decision will cost him a great deal of money, and it will force him to lay off some extremely talented people. But with some clear thinking and strategic planning, the business will prosper again. Storms don’t last forever and the sun will indeed shine again.

Just keep in mind that the best course to take is the one where you maneuver your ship around the storms of life. True, you can’t avoid all storms or adversity but you can avoid more than you might imagine with proper planning. Sometimes, the only thing you need to do is take a deep breathe and ask yourself if the course you are on is going where you really want to go. Are you steering yourself into any storms that you could avoid? And if you are thinking seriously about heading into a storm, have you asked yourself if it’s really worth the risk? There are an abundance of fish throughout the ocean so why not find a calm, sunny spot and then cast your line?

As we travel along the path of life, barriers, challenges, and stumbling blocks are inevitable. And they come in all shapes and sizes. Some come out of nowhere, and some we're prepared for. Some are put in our way by other people. Still others we create or invent ourselves.

As any good personal development program (or wise grandparent) can tell you, it's the challenges in life, the hard times, that present us with our greatest opportunities, as well as our greatest lessons. Looking back over your own experiences, you can probably see evidence of the truth of this. I remember in my own life when I left home for college, having never really been away from home before. At the time, it was a difficult experience for me. Those first few months at college were among the loneliest and most challenging of my life, and I experienced many moments of doubt as I sat alone in my dorm room thinking about my life and my future. But I soon figured out how to get rid of fears and my homesickness and start enjoying the tremendous opportunities all around me. In fact, I finally realized that being away from home for the first time and all of the people I knew, presented me with an amazing opportunity to reinvent myself. And that's exactly what I did. When I look back on the challenge I faced and how I turned it into a tremendous new start for myself, I'm reminded of the power that comes to each of us when we step up to the challenges that come our way.

Of course, emerging on the other side of a life challenge as a stronger, wiser, and hopefully better person is directly dependent on our willingness to step into the unknown with courage and faith. And it's important to remind ourselves that overcoming challenges is a skill that has to be practiced in order to be perfected. Otherwise, the barriers we come across will thwart growth instead of encouraging it. Unfortunately, we can probably all think of someone we know who hasn't been able to get beyond a particular hardship or obstacle, and has suffered for it in one way or another. It takes courage, determination, creativity, optimism and faith to face challenges head on and move beyond them, and it's not always quick or easy. But in the end, the barriers you conquer are your greatest teachers.